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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

playtime...


The sun was setting against an orange crepe paper, spilling its last streamers of light through candyfloss clouds. It would soon be night, a time for the boogeyman, for all things scary to pop out of closets and scare them. Scare us.
The two of them were still out, playing in the mound of sand near their house. Innocence is like a toffee, leaving people bitter when it is gone. They came here everyday, building castles of childhood, mounds out of unanswered wishes, building them all with the sands of infancy. A fistful here, an occasional mouthful there. Their mothers would soon be calling and it would be the end of 'playing God' for the day. Other children of their age were already into other resources of entertainment, but the sands always beckoned them everyday like some unanswered prayer, gnawing at the subconscious. The last birds were almost nested till the coming day.A few more moments and there would be nothing to worry about. They would be safe and secure, comfortable in their own homes.Just a few final minutes. Just...

He always hoped that there would be something buried in the sands, like the pirate stories that his dad sometimes narrated; a lost coin, a broken wheel from someones toy, anything. He had been playing here since the start of his memory notebooks, but he was yet to be lucky. He stuck his hand into the grains and looked at the sky, almost unknowingly praying to the setting sun. Just then, his hand closed around something oval and smooth and a smile creased upon his lips, the first star appearing on the horizon.


His playmate was on the other side, creating a new galaxy, lost in his own personal cosmos. The crepe paper had almost been pulled down now, to be replaced by something a lot darker, like ink. The first star was also starting to receive company, a loner no more. The cosmos creator was wearing a cap, a gift from the uncle who looked like a cartoon duck, the one he saw while having his morning milk and sermons from his mother. He was oblivious to the discovery of his companion, something that would change the immediate future. His cosmos was made, and a smile similar to his companion was beginning to take shape on his lips.


The creator did not see anyone coming from behind; he really wasn't God now, was he? The rock was held tightly between his little fingers, as he sneaked up behind the little creator of universes. He still hadn't been noticed. A cat saw him, its eyes shining like broken glass, and chose to ignore the event. He now stood behind his companion, his hand raised, resembling a bowler stuck in action. With a final "Here it comes", he let the rock come down on the cap, perched on the creator's head.


The smile froze in its tracks. His vision turned hazy for a second and he turned to look at what had hit his head. He had not expected this now. Red, the color of his favourite pajamas, dripped out of his cap, staining his yellow tee. He just stared and blinked, blinked and stared. His companion stood there, rock still held between fingers, watching as his companion got covered in crimson. He gave his tee one final look and took off his cap.His head felt sticky and gooey. He slowly got up, trying to get rid of the stray grains of sand from his pants. He looked up and said,


"Mom's not gonna be happy about the tee and the ketchup!"


His conspirator gave him an "it-was-your-idea" look. They slowly got out of the mess and trotted towards their homes. Ink spill totally covered the sky, stars peeking through the tatters.Playtime was over.

For the day.


:)

71 comments:

Preeti said...

hawwwww...

that was so creepy. even though it ended that way, it still is creepy...

sheeeesh...!!!
its like you are supposed to heave a sigh of relief and smile but you are so freaked out that you cant do it.

tch...very very amazingly written!!!

Preeti said...

the ink spilling part is so vivid..

:-)

utopia said...

:D! Adorable. And yes it was horrific for a few moments.

Beauty and the BEast said...

I was on automat when I clicked on comment.. and then I realised how numb the read had left me, it brutality and innocence ..both!

deepsat said...

that was beautiful. forgot the innocence for a moment!!

;-))

ki said...

god. your writing makes me feel just a little bit cold inside. but in a very nice way of course! you paint VIVID word pictures! :)

Pooja said...

Gawd...dat was awesome...

horribly nice piece...;)

HP said...

creeepy !!

Neha said...

You, my friend..are my new hero!

Speechless...absolutely speechless..

Babbi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mishra said...

I regret I am really short of patience and with everyone around feeling like writing stories, I really fail to develope any interest in story reading.However,what makes your story different and hence, worth appreciation is the fact that every paragraph counts ! Its not like one of those stories which give this impression that there is an unnecessary elongation in the middle.Like you read the first and the last paragraph and you are done.I have come across such stories here on bloggerville and do not spare my comments there- cos that comment carries my name and has to be an authentic one,right ? But,your story simply asks the reader to read every line.

Every word counts and carries your name under the heading- so it has to be worth the time reader is investing-- is the mantra they teach in IIMs and also in advertising agencies.I personally am thoroughlly impressed by your effectiveness.In short,Mast thi...

Crepuscule Colour said...

That gave me this dull headache on the back of my head :D

How do you do this?

Evilbeauty said...

I was really terrified for a moment but the ending was superb

Sach! said...

:) Do lemme know when you write a book! I would call myself lucky if I could get to read that.

Neo said...

creepy..but imaginative !!!!!!!!

Sahefa said...

That evilbeauty is me...i commented by the wrong email address...(sorry)

Swati said...

Hip Hip Hora!
shit! this was a stroke of sheer brilliance!!

bluehues said...

lol! well it was nicely started... i bet you wrote this in one go... you built a climax and phoosh went ketchup over it.
nice picture

ceedy said...

Now that is some writing :) loved it...

for a moment I thought it was a scorpion in tha palm...stinging the life out of it...

Divya said...

shit!
that was wicked! for a moment i thought you killed the poor little boy...

needless to say, wow! :P

dintoons said...

wow, a fantastic imagination i'd say!! reminds me of roald dahl...
would be lovely to give it the toony tale treatment ( i wonder if we could collaborate... er, not meaning to scare you in any way )

thanx for your visit and reaction lol! i'll be back for more inspiration.

¢яŷştąŁ said...

Just saw your pic :O
Where is your DAADHI (beard) disappeared,dude?!? :I :( :D

Princess Mia said...

dunno wat to say

Hiren said...

dost ...

your story telling skills are simply awe inspiring ...

the way you contrive the narration is terrific yaar ... the choice of words ... the peculiar analogies ... abundant use of nature ....

amazing yaar ... HATS OFF !!!

swati said...

hey u have a gr8 cmmnd ovr ur writting and imaginations..d interest keeps on developing wid each new line..really creepy...looking 4ward 4d nxt post...

Illeen said...

Roald Dahl would have been so proud to see you carry on his legacy :D

The beautiful description of the sky being an orange crepe and candyfloss clouds made me go back to my days of orange crayon skies.

and the icing on the cake was:
"Innocence is like a toffee, leaving people bitter when it is gone."

Something beautiful coming out after ur writer's block.Wish u many such blocks. ;)

AshenGlow said...

:) I remember playing with a friend of mine in a mount of sand once.. only to find a feet jutting out of the sand that belonged to neither of us.
Wow. I have never ran home that way EVER till now...

This was neat.. And so the bottle opened and out came a masterpiece... Mmm? Good na?

Regards,
Ashen

P.S: I told you.... Dint i... ;)

Trinaa said...

aaaaaaaaaaargh...creepy!!

ps:loved it! :P

Think Tank said...

scared me ...again ..you completely rock ..care to explain some of the symbol you've used ..like the uncle? and what's with you and ink? i'm intrigued.

Pinku said...

beautifully crafted. Loved the nature depictions and the story kept one hooked.

Lovely!!!

Anurag said...

Publish !! Publish !!

mann....Amazing....

Ever Thought of renaming your blog to "Creepy Whispers"

Alok said...

:)

Like the story said, innocence is like a toffee. :D

"Creepy" would be the word, but I really loved the way "creation" was a centre focus in the story.

gunj said...

where do u get such ideas from dude??

Priya Joyce said...

lovely plot.. A day of play ... lovely
and the line which i loved the most though not from the main plat is

**Innocence is like a toffee, leaving people bitter when it is gone.


simply niice.

Priya Joyce said...

oops sorry wrong typos
its plot*

Anindita said...

El brillianto! Love your narration, the ink, the sky and all of them similes and metaphors...

You are getting better day by day! Just check the fan following man! Just 5 months and you have already come such a long way!! :)

And there is still so much left for you to traverse! :)

pj said...

the way u narrate the whole story is so WOW!!...really beautiful!:D

cheers!

Shrutilaya said...

I like they way it's told.
= )

Macadamia The Nut said...

LOL!!!
Loved ittttt!! For a second there, when I began reading, I had a heart attack thinking that maybe you were my bro writing anonymously like me
:D:D

Me Mini Mini Mouse said...

he he he
u cant stay away from bringin in the creaaoy studd can ya

LOL

And my my, u writin a book and all? KOOOL

BTW... u hvnt sent ne pics to neone man...

Nidhi said...

nice post full of imagination :)
first time in ur blog !!! u write well

WarmSunshine said...

oooo a little creepy, but very well written. An unexpected ending... very interesting :-)

Kartz said...

Niiice..! Thanks for dropping by... B'rolling you.

Peace, good day.

Gauri Mathur said...

Heyyy!!!

Nice blog man!!!:-))

It will take alot of time to read each and every post of urs,but i'll def. do that:):):).

Thanx dude,n keep up the good work!!
:-)

Nits said...

quite strange...

donno whether to laugh or feel bad for the kids! :-O

debasish.. said...

too innocent yaa !
gr8 one dere .

Lunatic.... said...

aamazing....
loved this--Innocence is like a toffee, leaving people bitter when it is gone.

Ria said...

Gosh tht was scary....U write really well.

enchanted illusionz said...

creepy it sure is...not really my type... m sure if u ever plan 2 write a book , u stand a gud chance to get lotta awards

The Army Guy said...

when i read ur line about comparing innocence with toffee...i thought for a minute that it would be linked... and it was...

true... very true what u have written... but they were kids....what about the mistakes when make in innocence when we are teenagers or at sum other point of time... it is innocence after all...specially when the bitterness strikes after a long long time... not immediately like it happened in the story...

well written man..salutes...

Mubi said...

ooo phew! i liked the way to have used imagery. you write well.

cud you give more insight to your idea of god and play time and then you also mentioned "The creator did not see anyone coming from behind; he really wasn't God now, was he?" ?

Chriz said...

coming behind? what next.. hey thanks for coming to my page bro...

Red Eyes said...

Hello there, this is another excellent post. I love the genre. Have you read any books by rushdie? See you on red eyes....

seriously_frivolous said...

boy! your writing is simply something...you are blessed! and thanks for the memories....

joiedevivre said...

fir se kamaal kar diya scribbler

The Solitary Writer. said...

hey good writing mate...made me read right till the end...scribblers work...thats great budd....too innocent and narration was good....i liked it...and the description in initial half part was adorable man

nefariousoutlook said...

brilliant work !! another one who loves the dark side... yay!!!

crasiezt said...

That reminded me of my childhood!! And the descriptions were so darn real..it's like I could see and feel all of it right here!!
As marvellous as ever:-) Left me feeling zapped...

Vartika said...

heyy!
who has sung this song 'mere yaar'?
can't find it on net
:(
lovely song!

Anu said...

You always get me waiting for something bad to happen, only to start grinning in the end.. good job!

Puneet said...

damn you man, seriously creepy and seriously awesome(or aweful in another sense). Still very good.

Jadis said...

durr. morey geley better hoto. :P

Mystique said...

you are MAAASTERRR

Pri said...

well written!
it keeps playing with ur mind all through and u cant help but grin at the end :D

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Phew! That looked straight out of Cain and Abel until I read the end!

Marvelous writing! Its my first time here!

Am blog rolling U!

Cheers!

Do visit my space

Rakesh
http://almostsunday.blogspot.com

lukkydivz said...

u r a heroo!!

dark nymph said...

sinister...but that was really interesting

Hyperactive maniac said...

you are so full of stories!
really cool ones at that!
awesome piece....
it's like the story creeps up on you and surprises you...
i like! :D

Swayam said...

after 68 comments do i repeat what the others have already said.. its like repeating the obvious... :) loved it... the descriptions the suspense..the built up everything..:)

Aishwarya said...

Hey. Everyone has been commenting on the post and indeed it is brilliantly written.
But I also loved the song 'Mere Yaar' that you have up. Now, where is that from? You'll have to respond to this, despite your generally observed frugality with returning favours on the comment board!

Cecilia said...

Whoa...u write wel..ur own stuff im sure? good work..:)

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