The Strange Tale Of Mr R...

I have been in two minds about writing what I am going to write now.Most people would refuse to believe it, casting it aside as a rather fertile figment of my imagination, but no. This is as true as the lines on my palm or the thinning line of hair on your head.Or you could have it the other way if you want.

This happened at a party a few moons back and I came across this story through word of mouth from a colleague.Believe it if you have to. I wouldn't have. Mr R is a real person and is a part of the organization that I work for.The rest can speak for itself.

It was a vibrant party, almost down to its smouldering embers now.The press conference had attracted many a guests, some freeloaders, some people of renown.Mr R had a moustache with a sense of humor.Tonight he was happy after guzzling down a few drinks and trying to catchup on the swarm of words buzzing around his head.His wife sat in the corner, blissfully ignored.

The lady stood in the corner, exactly like she would have in a Sidney Sheldon novel. The dim light made it difficult to figure out how she looked, but with more lighting, she would have more than made it into the "look-ma-I-am-rich" club. Suddenly she dug into her bag and came out with a nicotine stick; the surefire combination of feeling rich and looking famous.

At this point, Mr R's mind finally gave up on trying to catch the flying wisps of conversation.His vision strayed and came to rest on the dark shadowy figure standing near the bar. All the novel jackets of his school days; the novels he could never fathom, nor read, flashed before his eyes like a short film.His senses were alert; a strange glow filled his eyes. Then she decided to walk towards him, nicotine stick carefully held between her beautiful fingers...

Time slowed down.The lights seemed to dim a little more. The lady walked up to him and stopped. Mr R could have been a part of the Big Brass Band with his heart thumping away to glory.

" Got a light?", she said.The surroundings melted away.Thus she spake.It was just him and the voice of the lady, as it seemed to take all the time in the world to reach him. Time warped out to nothingness. His wife still lay catching a few fleeting Zs on the couch next to him, seemingly oblivious of the fact that history was being created at the very moment.Mr. R reached down to his pocket and grasped something.The lady waited patiently.The whole thing seemed to go by in slow motion. A few lazy eye-balls turned to look at the sheer piece of art that was addressing Mr. R at this very moment.

In the moment, Mr R looked deep into her eyes as he held on to the magic charm that would free her out of her misery.Slowly, very slowly, with magic precision, the hand finally came out.What it held was beyond the reckoning of the human race...

And then he said, " I have an application on mobile.It give out light."

:)

Ze story of ze soopid callers...

Aloha...have been away for some time, and there have been some "under" developments. I am under stress due to rising inflation and the rising tirades of the existing auto wallahs.I am also under obligation to my office people for choosing the most god-forsaken place on the planet to build an office in, where most fear to tread. Most of all, I am under intense obf-li-gation(try pronouncing it...its fun!!) to the callers who decide to call my workplace and the guard at the reception (no bimbette there!!!) who happily forwards these soopid, stewpid, stooooooopid calls to me.

Alright, Shakespeares, STUPID calls.

*rrrring* *click*
C:"Hello??Radio Station se bol rahe hain?"
(No.you have reached the Railway Status Enquiry.Press one if you are single or press two if you WANT to be single!!)
Me: "Haan boliye."
C: "Ji actually hamein yehi wala Radio Station Alwar mein kholna hai...Iska franchise kaise kharid sakte hain?"
(Why not???You could open up the station and also sell piping hot masala dosas and coconut water too!!It will add to our station's alternate revenue and also become a franchise in the true sense of the word!!)
Me:"Nahi...Actually aisa allowed nahi hai..."
C: "Lekin hamare paas budget hai..."

*click* *beeeeeeeeeee*

***

*rrrring* *click*
C: "Radio Station se bol rahe hain??"
(Bad luck there!!you have just reached the self-destruct zone of the tele-network...in 5 seconds you lose your human status and become a chimp...54321...eeeep)
Me(doped):Haaan...boliye...

C: "Aapka studio hai??"
(Here I really lost him.There were two possibilities;Income Tax Department or better, he had really changed into a chimp!)
Me: "Haan... bataiye..."

C: Actually, I am singer. I compose song and write also. I want to use studio to make album.
(Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the next big thing in the music industry;the Radio Studio Singer!!*deafening and blinding applause*)

Me: "Sorry...Aisa to hum nahi karte..."
C: "To aapke paas studio nahi hai??"
(@$%&*!!!!)

*click* *beeeeeeeeeee*


And that, my beloved junk readers, is not the end of it all.When I thought the calls couldnt get worse off than these (besides song dedications, RJ audition calls etc), there came the mother of all calls till date day before yesterday.

*rrrring* *click*

C:Hello...kaun bol rahe hain??

Me: You called up...aap bataiye...

C:Actually main rajesh bol raha tha...mujhe janna tha ki aap degree Haryana University se dete hain ya Kurukshetra university se?

(at this point in time my brain did a backward summersault and imploded...a red light blinked for two seconds and the backup power came on...)

Me: Degree to hum dete nahi...Waise aapko kya degree chahiye?

C:Mujhe Business Management mein Bachelors karna hai aur travel ko added subject rakhna hai...

(backup fizzles out....)

Me: Aapko kahan baat karni hai??

C:Ji Yeh Jagannath Institute of Management Studies hai na??

*click* *beeeeeeeeeee*

And that my dear readers, is just another day in office.

(Disclaimer:all the calls above are absolutely real and bear no resemblance to any person imaginary.The institute exists as well."Doped" is just an expression.Well, atleast here.Besides, "C" is supposed to denote "caller" and NOT any other expletive that comes to your mind.The motto of the post is nothing but to entertain and not to demean anyone.Radio has a long way to go to really make people understand its true meaning!! :) )

Laters.

The Subtle Art Of Faking It In Office...

Allo!! I came across this really brilliant blog in the past few days which is based solely on typos...its there on my blogroll so do check it out...and?umm...yeah!!we had a retro party in office yesterday..cuz its like 7 years of Organization Completion Redemption whatever!!



Q:You have been honoured with the infamous title of "JOOS- Juvenile Office Orkut Scrapper"...what do have to say to that??

Me:Whats the prize??!!?



Q:People from your office claim that you put ketchup and act dead on your keyboard everytime you are given an assignment??

Me: *grumble*



Q:People have also come up with claims that you meet bloggers more than you meet the Key Result Areas of the organization??

Me: *Tugs at goatee furiously*



Q:Is that goatee for real??It looks as fake as your long hair!!Are you even a part of this organization??

Me: Could you please excuse me??I think I am getting an official call from Mumbai...



Q:Call from Mumbai??Do you even have a cell??You use your landline to make crank calls to your collegues in office saying "guess where your pinky is" and use the office computer for mp3 downloads and blogging!!

Me:Its actually "guess where your dinky is" but...

Q:What is the black suspicious wire that you carry around office??
Me:Its my data cable...I..

Q:Dont you know that data theft is a heinious crime in a multi-national organization MR SCRIBBLER!!
Me:Ohhhhh!!How did you??? aaahhhh....

*crumple crumple**tearrrrrrrrr**gulp*

Q:Hey thats my questionnaire!!you cant eat it up!!are you...

*whummmmp*
*thunk*

*whisper whisper...commotion*

Q:I didnt do nothing!!hit himself with his own keyboard and collapsed!!and now he is...he is...ohhh gaaawd...he's bleeding ketchup again!!!NOOOOOOOO.....

*darkens*

The Juvenile Office Orkut Scrapper does it again....... >:~E

Laters.

Taggers Park!!

Yes,it is.Most definitely.Trust me on this one.

Thanks for all the people who have shown me their knowledge on tags.I can bet my bubblegum that the blogosphere is a better search tool than the Wiki or perhaps Google itself.Ah, well , no wonder I bet my bubblegum!!;)
So here it goes, my first official tag...I would like to thank the humbl devil ,and lijy for tagging me with the same tag.
The oscar speech ends here. Let the "tag" begin!!

These are the rules:
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog (here they are!)
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Ok, here goes.Since I am into books MAJOR, most would revolve round 'em.
1.I am a story writer at heart.However hard I try to convince myself about the theory that I dint take up print journo cuz its a dead end job,it always goes to the winds.Its just not true.I SUCK at "straight" writing!!
2.I love Goosebumps.Its the next best thing thats happened after Shakespeare(yes I have read that gook!!)And when I go back to school, I secretly lunge for the "seventh grade" bookshelf, cuz thats where all of them are kept.Oh did I mention Bug Files??Maan, thats like whack!!
3.I twirl the loose strands of my goatee sometimes when I am deep in thought.Or for that matter, when I am trying to go deep into thought.Yes, I do.
(I can picture you saying "Eww dude!!why dont you try Mars for a change??)
4.I love maggi even after I have eaten probably 52000 packs of it.(I am looking forward to them sponsoring my blog in the coming months...)
5.I still dont know how to work the washing machine out that I bought a month back.
6.I have been an avid player on the "Pirates" application in the near past on Facebook.I am a Level 251 Corsair Pirate with over 100,000 coins and level 69 Cannons, level 28 sails, level 10 hull and 17 crew!!(Gaaaawd!!Did you say you poke yourself for a living??)

Yes,thats from my end.As the rules say, I have to tag six people...so I choose durjoy, wily banter , rara avis , mishra , preeti , shayoni.

Do tell me what you think of me, as you now know me a lil better. I would be waiting... :)

Laters.

A - gen - SEE!!

Lets see, where were we?Nowhere?Ok Cool.Lets begin then!

I have just come back from an agency.An agency is a place where a lot of people sit with cool hairstyles and a lot of shimmy doing nothing mostly besides pretending to be crazily busy.There are people coming and going all the time and cool (where have I heard that word before??hmm) things scribbled on most cubicles.

This is what I saw on one:
NO SHIT.
NO SHOWER.
FULL POWER.
24 HOUR.
Boom Shankar.

Besides this there was also the standard "I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it" and blah de blah de blah.Creative. Right??

Thats what I thought.Then this jarhead along with another bucket decides to sit with me and asks me what ideas do I have about the client they are presenting.This was a "brief" meeting, where you get an idea as to what you should do; but no!!YOU(as in me that is) are the creative guy!!Say something creative!Come up with something that would rewrite advertising with ivory fountainpens( do they even make them??).And all that when I dont know jackpoop about the company. Came up with some spotaneous hogwash and he seemed happy.End of meeting.

Have to go back day after with some killer shit.Otherwise Wise Gonzalez asks the client to invest in some other station.
Two questions:
a)when Client A has to advertise in Station B, why the heck should some gook decide the fate of copywriter C?

b)why is Maggi available only in Masala and Chicken?(lets not even begin on Atta!!)

Third question (Optional)

c)what are tags anyways all about?

P.S.-I have a music player.It plays Mere Yaar by Advaita.Tell me how you like it!!:)

Laters.

"Sad"missions...

Yes I am elated.Its like when kids compete on Orkut as to who has more scraps.Or friends.Or testimonials.Did I mention applications on facebook?They are up on orkut too now.So much for artificial applause!!Everyone likes a story.Heres one.

Brother was here for his admissions.Still is. Managed to scrape up an almost 85percent.Fantabulously Brilliant by my standards.Applied for an English Bachelor's in almost all colleges(except Rev. Stephens!!).Poor kid almost had a heart attack when he heard there are almost over 23000 applicants for the course in Hindu and KMC!!

"Tried" auditioning for theatre at certain colleges, but missed em cuz the dates happened to be displayed on a "later" day randomly on the college notice board.Missed checking them out because he dint trip to North Campus on a "particular" day.The first cut-off list comes out on the 26th, exactly days after admissions in Kolkata, Pune and Mumbai are done with. Oh and btw, classes for the new session seem to have already begun in a few cities as well!!

This kid has a good percentage.Has a State Player Cert for U-17 Cricket(considering Nationals...no luck there!!)an international cert in Dramatics and is almost melting away with worries everyday about his admissions.Oh and did I mention getting tricked by Delhi Autos twice in a week??

You might consider this post as ventings of a troubled elder brother. Look closer. Its actually whats become of education.

"We dont need no education..."
Well said Floyd.

Its not sympathy I seek.Its reason.
Laters.

Gracias!!

Thank you, thank you, for all the love....
akshay,trooper,s,neha, anindita,macademia,nomad, passionate,swayam,divita,tairebabs,vartika,preeti,mishtizaa,av, durjoy and all others who have read the posts and loved it.Sorry if I missed any.Thanks to all others who thought that the post was dumb, and dint leave a comment.Next time, I hope to see your brickbats in the comments!!:)

P.S.-Sounds like an Oscar speech, I know.Everyone loves feeling important once in a while!!:)

Laters.