Breaking news!!
The entry sent into the "Clarity of Night" contest has managed to bag an "honorary mention"!! The unedited version of the story shall be put up soon on the blog. Till then, here is a story, which was done after Metamorphosis , incorporating a mix of narrative techniques. It also includes the staccato narrative that I used for the entry. Needless to say, feedback only makes a writer feel a writer, so drop in your words of wisdom, if deemed necessary.
Presenting, The Pill...
The Guy @ 12:05 p.m.
The biggest hallucination to live for is Life.
Right or wrong, good or evil, are like grapes on
A neglected table. Rotten or otherwise,
Who cares a shit?
Sometimes, the colors speak.
The red says its fading, the purple; rotating.
You want to stay afloat in this shithole, you gotta swim for
Life. Sometimes all you need is a telephone.
It gets you hooked or laid. Both or neither.
Sometimes or Always. You become the mirror after
The Pill. That’s when you see fangs and the burning eyes.
He is going to get you. I am the one. Time to shoot up to the stars.
Right or wrong, good or evil, are like grapes on
A neglected table. Rotten or otherwise,
Who cares a shit?
Sometimes, the colors speak.
The red says its fading, the purple; rotating.
You want to stay afloat in this shithole, you gotta swim for
Life. Sometimes all you need is a telephone.
It gets you hooked or laid. Both or neither.
Sometimes or Always. You become the mirror after
The Pill. That’s when you see fangs and the burning eyes.
He is going to get you. I am the one. Time to shoot up to the stars.
The Room @ 12:20 p.m.
Torn wallpaper. Red and faded at places. Discarded needles from last month. Three legged table with flecks of cocaine. Bed with unwanted, dried stains. Blood, semen, puke. Necessarily not in that order. One eyed Bob Marley discarded cushion cover. One man lying in the corner, semi conscious. Waking and not liking. Misused telephone, being manhandled right now. Call the dealer. No purple.
The Dealer @ 12:35 p.m.
I don’t live to make the world a better place; no one does.
I scatter happiness though. A lot of it, sometimes.
I make you feel like being on a rainbow.
I make you see purple. I make your face melt and
then refreeze it. I make you feel Out of the Human and
Into the Soul.
Sometimes I make you feel bugs crawling all over.
It has to be just one pill this time. My rent is overdue.
I can’t let him die on me.
Not just yet.
I scatter happiness though. A lot of it, sometimes.
I make you feel like being on a rainbow.
I make you see purple. I make your face melt and
then refreeze it. I make you feel Out of the Human and
Into the Soul.
Sometimes I make you feel bugs crawling all over.
It has to be just one pill this time. My rent is overdue.
I can’t let him die on me.
Not just yet.
The Pill @ 1 p.m.
I have landed.
Landing on a three legged table with specks of cocaine
for company doesn’t exactly make you feel like
Neil Armstrong. It makes me feel good though, that I am the
only one here. I will be gone in a while,
taking away guilt, pain, anguish, greed, hatred, neglect,
loneliness, jealousy, angst, disbelief, betrayal, lust,
redemption, loathing.
Can’t blame me. Gotta trip sometimes y'know…
The Guy @ 1:30 p.m.
Ever tried hypnotizing time? I have been doing it
for the past fifteen minutes. At one time, you want to
slow it down and shrink it at another. Sometimes you
want it to disappear, leaving you in a timeless,
spaceless…gap.
I have taken the pill. I can feel it starting to happen.
I go to the other side of the mirror now. Reverse.
What's in Flow here, is always the Wolf there…
Menacing. I don’t like goin' in there, but then again;
What’s left of this side anyways? The watch says its
half past while I have been hypnotizing time for only a quarter.
I guess I have hypnotized time.Purple time. The red is getting brighter.
The reverse is beginning. I am going into the mirror now.
Reverse.
Re-verse.
River. See.
m.p. 03:3 @ guy, The
LivE.
Colors see I.
ReddeR.
Life for Swim.
DiaL.
FloW.
Guy, The; Am I? High, am I?
Landing on a three legged table with specks of cocaine
for company doesn’t exactly make you feel like
Neil Armstrong. It makes me feel good though, that I am the
only one here. I will be gone in a while,
taking away guilt, pain, anguish, greed, hatred, neglect,
loneliness, jealousy, angst, disbelief, betrayal, lust,
redemption, loathing.
Can’t blame me. Gotta trip sometimes y'know…
The Guy @ 1:30 p.m.
Ever tried hypnotizing time? I have been doing it
for the past fifteen minutes. At one time, you want to
slow it down and shrink it at another. Sometimes you
want it to disappear, leaving you in a timeless,
spaceless…gap.
I have taken the pill. I can feel it starting to happen.
I go to the other side of the mirror now. Reverse.
What's in Flow here, is always the Wolf there…
Menacing. I don’t like goin' in there, but then again;
What’s left of this side anyways? The watch says its
half past while I have been hypnotizing time for only a quarter.
I guess I have hypnotized time.Purple time. The red is getting brighter.
The reverse is beginning. I am going into the mirror now.
Reverse.
Re-verse.
River. See.
m.p. 03:3 @ guy, The
LivE.
Colors see I.
ReddeR.
Life for Swim.
DiaL.
FloW.
Guy, The; Am I? High, am I?
13 comments:
One of the most, most sophisticated pieces of writing that has come out of you... It left me stunned, speechless and thrilled (in that order)...
this surpasses everything. it breaks all boundaries and it puts the proverb "the sky is the limit" to such utter shame that... phew!!
i am amazed at the pace - which alternates between slo mo and frenzy...
i am amazed at the humanification of inanimacy...
i am amazed at the last para/stanza
i am amazed because i dont know what to call this...prose...verse..
what???
i am amazed at the way it intoxicates...
This is clever, intelligent writing. And you at your Super Best. You keep improvising and getting better and better. Thats what I love about you...
Please patent this style.
Congrats...:)
I.. really sat back jaw-dropped over this piece. Oh, this is so good. A hungry reader like me finds his food in your word-playing.
Congrats for Metamorphosis.:)
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Couldn't help but notice that the Anonymous commenter is so over the moon by your writing that he is offering free Viagra. Ironic considering an exciting attempt like this needs a downer not anymore uppers. Kudos.
Oh and I wish there had been space for this instead of Metamorphosis at that competition, would have definitely got more than an Honorary Mention.
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Thank you.
Do you have copy writer for so good articles? If so please give me contacts, because this really rocks! :)
I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link
whoa....
you just keep getting better with every article, don't you! :)
*pats back*
dude, MINDBLOWING!! you've had have had first hand experience at this!
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