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Monday, August 25, 2008

Growing up...



A chair.Or maybe a table.Could also have been that China vase on the corner.

He looked like furniture.


He sat there, his eyes like grey stones staring into nothingness.He felt wasted.


The door opened and a man with too much on his mind walked in."Son?",he almost whispered."Johnny"??


A weak grin came on his face, a flickering candle in a full gale."Yes Pa," he said.


"You doin sugar again huh??Temme son!!"


"No Pa.."weaker still.


"Now you lyin to your ol' pa like that?Temme you lyin' son!"


"No Pa.."voice like a floating dead leaf.


"You wanna talk to me, you open your mouth son!!I am tellin' you...Just...OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!"


With a heavy heart he turned his back to his son and left in a tearful hurry.And then he heard the most awful sound that he had come to hate in the last few years; that laugh.


Ha ha ha...

99 comments:

Neers said...

WOW!!! you ARE good! brilliant take

debasish.. said...

Gawd !!!

u make ur reader's feel very intelligent :D

I was anyways *smart*, but um talking bout others ;)

Trinaa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bloggingknight said...

Great...
:d

looking for more :P

Anurag said...

Roflmao..
what was dat...

First time have I seen a theortical Version of a Rhyme :D...A Spooky Version of a Comical Nursery rhyme..

Slowly it seems Scribbler's is turning into a Spooky Joker like Heath Ledger...Gee's the movie has impacted your writing it seems eh? :D

Trinaa said...

that nursery rhyme will never be the same to me again!!!

uma said...

wt an inspiration!!!!!first alice and now jhonny jhonny....gud gud!!!m smart ...i swear i rote this comment b4 reading the previous 1z

AshenGlow said...

Brilliant.
I always felt there was something spooky about that laugh.. Heh.

This is simply an out of the world thinking. Seriously.

P.S: Whew! Not that i deserve a Nobel prize for this... But i managed to break the 'always late to comment' spell at last. Some nagging jinx it was!

Express said...

ah! awesome!
like totally. :-P

P.S. Is this spookiness coz of the "creative writing workshop of mumbai" ?

mayz said...

i feel i suddenly lost my childhood :P

Prats said...

That was a piece of genius!!
Great take...and now you make me want to hide the rest of the rhymes.... :P

ki said...

Now everytime I hear the nursery rhyme, I'll feel a bit spooked.
But nice work, I like :)

The Trooper said...

Nice, you've added a whole new dimension to that poem.. :)

Alok said...

*Applause*

I have to appreciate your creativity, man. This was extremely brilliant. Awesome.

The idea you're pursuing is something very discomforting but at the same time hits like a revelation. So I guess it makes the reader familiar and uncomfortable at the same time, resulting in either feeling "creepy" or, as in my case, making them laugh. :)

mystiquedew said...

Gawddddddddd!

U jus turned the cutest rhyme into a horror ...
fantastic :)

Akshaya Kamalnath said...

Hey its the most refreshing piece of writing I've read in some time.

HP said...

brilliant !

Hiren said...

Simply ingenious; Bro, your artistically imaginative writing shouldn’t be just limited to us few mortals in this Blogville ... try reaching an even wider audience

Hats Off !!!!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

this rocked!

Stupidosaur said...

Damn! Whammy!

Abhinav said...

hehehehe.. nice!

Sindhu :) said...

Err... you just gave a completely sinister feel to a perfectly innocent rhyme!

Must say you have some talent :D

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

lol! but i didnt get the last part.. ill read it again to see if i understand it... but it was hilarious till the last para...

Divya said...

oh my god!!! you are outta this world!! *bows*
who would've got all that from the so cute and sugary johnny johnny yes papa :O it took me a while to realize the sheer brilliance behind it. phew!

Sach! said...

he he
I know have understood that you always want to scare people and then kill them by endless laughing..hai na?
;)

Anu said...

Woah.. that was a really good.. to take something as a nursery rhyme and twist it into a darker story..requires a lot of creativity.. waiting to see what the next one on the list

Cinderella. said...

Man !! This is friggin brilliant !

And I am ndever gonna be able to think of the poem the way I did again - this shall loom large...

Vinz aka Vinu said...

:)

can this be termed as out of the box creativity..?

enjoyed buddy, tickled my laughter nerves..!!

Adi Crazy said...

OMG!
You know what, I will never react the same way as I always did to this rhyme...ever again.

Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Hey... I read the latest post and ended up reading ur entire blog(took me 2 hrs)... completely enjoyable.... ur very gifted and awesome sense of humour ... would love to read more .. keep writing :)

Ranjani said...

sheer genius!

Rushabhh Gandhi said...

Outstanding...!!!

I never could imagine of taking in this perspective! Hats off boy!

humbl devil said...

still not over the joker hangover eh???
seems like the readers are loving it...
:)

Diana said...

The nursey rhyme just got spookier...good one..u r into media right?

Which org do u work for?

gunj said...

omg!! i abso-fuckin-lutely loved dat one!!
wat inspired u fo it?

Solitaire said...

Great work!! SWEET! No pun intended.

Illeen said...

AWESOME!!
prolly one of the best posts i have read till now.

vatsal said...

tell that poem to a soft heart and he ll faint off! ...awesome version of jonny jonny yes papa....i would love to hear another version...a more arrogant one...or a freakish one

creyzeee said...

wow...brilliant!

inihos said...

It almost got me scared in parts...

Prash said...

i liked reading this post a lot ! ;-) very original and brilliant !

Jadis said...

sniff. Death mail korey diyechi. Check. And reply if or not you've received it. Taaholey baaki gulo pathabo.

And your post. Wasn't lovely. It was pure GENIUS. Dude in our college did sugar, messed it up, and died there, right IN college...

Dark humour at its best. Keep writing. And amar blog e baaje spam korle Sandman pathabo na..-_-'
:P

Mystique said...

oh do all the nursery rhymes na??

anyway the cat thing came with the template and i think it goes thus:

come, my beautiful cat
on my loving heart
(something something??) of your paw
and let me plunge into your beautiful eyes
made of metal and agate

Kazarelth said...

Whoa. Now that was sick and hilarious. xD

Lucid Darkness said...

This is awesome. You know? AWESOME. Absolute brilliance! Period. Seriously.


PS: Thanks for stopping by! I'll be coming back to read more, you can bet on that.

Nomad said...

Hahaha, twisted mind huh! Brings back my childhood. Ever heard of the rhyme: three blind mice? Now that is a wicked one.
Also clowns, clowns scared the fuck outta me as a child, never saw the humour, only the sinister,evil conniving, sly clown smile.

The 'Mad' Orchid said...

:) hahaha...nice man...to be frank actually i read it twice then only i got to undestand what it actually meant...an ol story..so b it old is gold :)

Madurai citizen said...

Great take...
I appreciate your creativity....

Ria said...

Wow!tht was kewl buddy! :)

Swati said...

spooked!!
but then, i like the feeling!!

cheers!

Swats said...

Thnx for dropping by my blog ;-)
U write for HT??

Princess Mia said...

OMG....excellent.....yaar how do u do this....too good

Keshi said...

Im not a child anymore but I still laught like THAT. :)

Good one here Scribblers!


Keshi.

Reeta Skeeter said...

khi khi nice!

Gagan said...

Hmm....so did I not mention that you were an Irving Wallace in the making....people who say that you make the readers feel intelligent are so right....and people who say that you make normal people so eager to read more of your material are also all true....ancase no one said any of these...I want to make that point....!!!!

So, I would say, that whenever I reach my blog, I am delighted to see if there is an update on ur page....because I can never imagine what will that be about....and I am excited to know about it!!!!

Ashmita said...

Brilliant!
But i dont really need u tell u what 55 people have already mentioned.
But seriously, ingenious relation ya.
Bravo!

And also yes, i go with mystique. It'd be fun if u'd do the other poem too from time to time. London Bridge, Itsy Bitsy spider et al.
:P

Crystal.. said...

Lol?



:D


Hahaha =P
Where art thou?
Disappeared of my blog??

WAR10CK said...

scribbler scribbler! cool baba!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Wow... that's a tough one!

ouch. I felt that twist my heart.



Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Divkiran said...

Oh Gawd!!!
tht was spooky

Lol...the poor father!!!

Briallianttttooooo I say

pj said...

good one!:)

deepsat said...

nicely done!! got spooked by that last laugh!!

;-))

Tairebabs said...

I thought the post was good but I didn't know it was from a nursery rhyme. Can someone please share the rythme?

Sahefa said...

Awesome!

tessiewrites said...

awsome dude!! :)

Parakeet said...

You write fantastically? I better come to India and learn how to write properly...but this your obsession with horror, something you wanna tell us?

Echo said...

amazingggg!!dude kamaal ka dimaag hai tera yaar!ofcourse i wasnt intelligent enuf to understand it till i read in the labels "an ol poem"!

Oxy said...

Ba Ba Black Sheep Please!!!

Woodsmoke said...

Kickass take. Brilliant and chilling.

Metrosexual Monk said...

loved the start.

Sach! said...

hey! I changed my url:

http://sachi-stayingalive.blogspot.com/

Swayam said...

hehe... haha... mauahhaha... where do you get all that from...

S said...

I'm going to save this and show it to my 2 year old niece when she grows a bit! Its her favorite nursery rhyme.
Brilliant as usual :D

Princess Mia said...

you have a dedication for ya at

http://bloggersambrosia.blogspot.com/2008/08/feeling-horny.html
come check it out n make yur dedications. cheers!!

ceedy said...

Are you doing something with children?

great take - you know this word "sugar" here made me visualize - "drugs" was that the intention?

joiedevivre said...

sensible modification of d poem
cool!!

solo said...

ths was awesome!
very apt during these times, for they r achangin!

Think Tank said...

don't do that to nursery rhymes yaar... i don't why i say it everytime but ur post compltely fulfill the lack of ghost stories in my bookshelf..u shud do a compilation ..ull do brilliantly

lukkydivz said...

*rolling eyes*

i am a fan!!

happyz said...

I wonder where have i heard this before.. ofcourse a happier (or so called cute) version of it...

Hats off to your NonSense humour!!! ;)

Cheers!

Rex Venom said...

Awesome
Rock on!

ATAullah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ATAullah said...

Man ! i wish that the original rhyme could be long because i just couldn't settle with the end . I wanted more . I am sure i will get some more

The Rat... said...

Ouch.. perfect remix...

crasiezt said...

That gave me the creeps!! The laugh reminded me of the "Joker" (Dark Knight)..but needless to say that was bloody brilliant man!!

iriz said...

great one.

more post! hehe

keep posting dear;)

ash89 said...

nice! thats brilliant!

Av. said...

Oh god.
You brilliant soul, exactly HOW do you manage to keep doing this?

Whatever it may be, you made my day.
Yay.
= D

utopia said...

now who hasn't been visiting? :p

Che said...

good stuff man.
like i said before you remind me of dahl.
keep it up.

Sach! said...

Oye you are tagged..!!.
(see it if you wish to do it)
http://sachi-stayingalive.blogspot.com/2008/09/whats-in-name-tagged.html

Six Feet From the Edge said...

Your stories remind me of this play I saw a while back called 'The Pillowman'. Check it out, I have a feeling you will find it interesting- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pillowman

Dropped by ur blog as I was blog-hopping. Neat writing! And awesomely twisted thinking!

harish said...

HA HA HA HA HA....

wow...simply wow...

i feel much more honored by your compliments now that I've read your stuf...

This was psychedelic man!!!

Cecilia said...

from the nursery rhyme? WOW..wht a way to put it..sounded really sad tho..:( I mean the situation..well put :)

Sarath said...

Wow, that was a brilliant take on an old simple English nursery rhyme. Great.

anu!~ said...

i kinda liked that,was something different.:)
seems like that horror reading's havin a major influence huh?

rain girl said...

damn... this is good.. :)

u r not the first one to depict sth thrilling in nursery rhymes or tales (agatha did it too..) but .. you did it pretty well..

simple. and good.

Rajeev said...

great!!i read harishc's post, where he mentioned yours...great talent!

scarlett thunder.. said...

loovvd it
:-)

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